We stopped at the store yesterday and I was unloading the littles, one-by-one, as our five-year-old says to me, “Mom, you know you’re kind of little.” I smiled while walking around the other side of the van to get another kid out. As I unbuckle the baby, he says it again as if I didn’t hear him the first time. “Mom, you’re just little.” And, as I thought for a moment that he may be referring to my height (after-all, I am a short-mom), he says this, “God and Jesus are big. They’re big big big and Jesus is coming back soon. Down here.” He was using a very serious look and expressive hand motions to help me understand the importance of what he was saying.
I find it amazing how God can instill such big thoughts in my little guy’s mind and allow those thoughts to escape his lips at the moment his mama needs to hear them. You see, our boy will be starting school next year, and I’m not quite ready for that. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately and even brought up home-schooling to my husband. In my mind, he’s still so young. So impressionable. So sweet. Though he does need to be in school (and he is eager to go), I’m not ready to send him into the world without his mom and daddy by his side. I really just want to keep him at home with us forever. I will miss him.
When those deep words fell from his little lips, though, I knew I needed to start having trust and hope, instead of doubts, about the day when our little guy ventures into the half-day world of art boxes and alphabets next fall. After-all, these thoughts of concern have been consuming my mind and time too much lately.
His simple, yet great, message to me was an indicator just to stop doubting, and trust the Lord. While
my boy may seem so small still, so are all of us really. We are all still learning and loving and hurting and winning and losing each day. It’s not my job to be the child’s savior; I have to trust in the Lord that our boy will be just fine at school. I have to trust that He will seek Christ in his worldly troubles while I standby to show him motherly love, discipline and compassion. The Lord designed that for us. And, like all other things in life, this moment in life and letting go is also by design. I can’t say that I won’t be sad on our son’s first day of school, but I will have trust and hope because His plans are always good, even if they go against our own time-table and readiness.