FYI: Your spouse is not your savior.

I’ve been writing this post in my head for a while. I see this issue coming up often among people I know in real life and online. Just this weekend I was reading Beth Moore’s book, So Long, Insecurity – You’ve been a Bad Friend to Us, she reflects on a conversation with her husband that lights up the same issue. Beth says (to her husband), “I’m going to focus my attention on you. You are my best friend. In many ways, my only friend. I’ve decided that you are the only person on the earth I can really trust.” Her husband replies, “Baby, you can’t trust me! […] You can’t put all your trust in me! I can’t take the pressure! I’ll fail you too.” Keith wasn’t saying his wife couldn’t trust him as to matters of fidelity or the like; he was saying that if Beth put all of her trust in him she would surely be disappointed (and frustrated, and discontent, etc.) as she and her husband are both equally human. Both imperfect. Both descendants of The Fall.

Women have quite a reputation for treating their husbands as their savior – maybe not literally, but figuratively sure enough. It’s so easy to expect your husband to be: The person who’s going to pull you from the trenches; the person who’s going to renew your soul; the one who makes things all better at every weak moment; the one who’s there every second of every day to lift you up; and, the one who’s going to overwhelm your heart with all of your needs. Don’t we often catch ourselves expecting these things from our husbands? While husbands can meet some of these needs from time to time, it’s dangerous to allow your happiness and life’s work to rest in the arms of another person who, frankly, was made as imperfect as you.

The truth is, no earthly person or thing an be counted on to fulfill our heart and life except the savior of the world, Jesus Christ. He came to save us; husbands did not. Husbands are here to love, protect, and provide for us. Think I sound like some crazy Bible-thumping mama exhausting scripture to get you to stop nagging your husband for every need of your heart? Look at it this way…whatever we rely on outside of Jesus will eventually leave or pass away. Nothing else is forever, that includes husbands (things, friends, pets, jobs, food, drinks, etc). That’s a point you can’t argue – Bible believer or not. If you treat the things of this world like they are here to stay, you will some day find yourself in a pit of despair, guaranteed.

None of these things can fulfill your longing like Christ who is always there; He never leaves us. Trusting in Christ will not only transform your heart; He will be glorified through your relationships, and there’s nothing more beautiful than that. He will allow you to reach to others with a Christlike spirit. He will soften your heart to your husband’s shortcomings and allow you to understand that pure, true happiness only rests in the arms of your true savior – Jesus Christ. Through Jesus, the things you thought you needed from your husband will pass away and you will be able to experience what it’s like to love another person through the heart of Christ despite their imperfections.

So, ladies, I’m speaking to myself as loud and clear as I’m speaking to you. Our sinful nature causes us all to think selfishly from time to time; next time you find yourself fretting over your your imperfect husband just remember this, God designed him that way for a reason. After-all, how much fun would it be for a perfect man to be married to an imperfect woman such as we all are?

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10 thoughts on “FYI: Your spouse is not your savior.

  1. Ruth@GraceLaced says:

    Great post. If we think that spouses exist to fill a void in our lives, we will not only be disappointed, but idolatrous. But as you said, the Lord is glorified in our relationship with our spouse, and ultimately, that is the purpose of marriage (and the greatest way that we'll receive joy from it!)

  2. Kelly Scott says:

    I can relate to this post. I put my faith in my wonderful hubby during those first few years of marriage and not only was it idolatrous, it set him up for such a dramatic fall when I was disappointed in something small. I prefer to think of him as my brother in Christ.

  3. Sybil Brun says:

    So cool that you wrote on this topic! It really hits home for me because it was a much needed lesson only recently learned for both of us… and ever after, always a great reminder! Thanks Tess : ) So glad I subscribed to your blog!

  4. Tess says:

    Sometimes it's difficult when we want to be made to “feel” a particular way 24hrs a day, but really do things come into focus when we just consider that we. are. all. imperfect. 🙂

  5. Tess says:

    Thanks, Syb. It's such a natural mistake to make, you know? When you're physically with someone for so long and for so much of your day, it's natural to look to them as your partner, the fix-it person. The problem is, the more we magnify someone else, the smaller focus we have on God. It's a hard lesson learned, but certainly a worthy one. Thanks so much for subscribing. 🙂

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